Mind Games
by Darth Melly
Summary: [KOTOR 2] OneShot of how Atton grew aware of his Force sensitivity, and the events leading up to his leaving the Sith.


Technically this story takes place before KOTOR 2, but you need to play the second game to understand what is happening in this story. I originally posted this on the Kotor fan media site as a challenge, but I added to the end of it to give it more feeling. No money was made in writing this story, and I don't own any of the characters...well I hope you enjoy.

* * *

**Mind Games**

There is no way to put the horrid existence I now live into words. I don't know how long I've been here; for me the passage of time is just the distance between one indignity to the next. The only clock is the countless screams that echo in the night. In this place, the busy time is during the nights. The days are reserved for long hours of waiting; long, torturous hours of contemplating what they will do to you next.

This place is designed to break Jedi, a nightmarish wheel of torture that reaches into your very soul. Clawing at the blocks that Jedi have placed in their minds to combat the ever-persistent darkness. I have seen the dark side here like I have seen no where else. How many Jedi have been tortured within these walls? How many had been converted by pain in this nightmarish hole? And how many more than that have been killed for resisting?

I can sense the thousands of deaths within this place. And I can also sense the many more who had been converted. The Jedi Masters tell us from our first day of training to beware the dark side, that it is quiet and will get you when you least expect it. From my experience here, I can say that they are wrong. In this prison you can always sense the darkness calling for you, tempting you, waiting for you to answer.

You might be surprised to know that I chose to come.

First of all, I am not a Jedi, not as a 'Jedi' is defined among the Order. I can use the Force, for I was trained as a Jedi, but I was one of the countless that left to follow Revan and Malak during the Mandalorian wars. The Jedi Council 'unofficially' declared those of us that followed as 'exiles' of the Order. Another 'Jedi Secret' to be pushed under the rug, and they refused to call us Jedi any longer. But was it truly wrong to want to end the slaughter that the Mandalorians wreaked upon many planets? I had defied the Council because I believed that it was the right thing to do. But after standing in this place, and knowing who built it, I finally realize that the Master's were right.

And I was wrong.

Somewhere along the way to saving the Republic, Revan and Malak lost their way. I didn't travel with them to the Unknown Regions, so I do not know what they found. Slowly during the Mandalorian wars, many of us noticed a change in them. They became cold, and eventually ruthless. I was afraid of them, such as the coward I am, and wasn't the first to desert their twisted cause. The first to defy Revan and Malak had been one of our leading generals, she had announced to them that they had taken the war too far and left. It was amazing that they had let her live…

When she returned to the Council, they had exiled her, the fools that they are. But when did I leave Revan and Malak's side, you ask? I wasn't nearly as strong as the Exile, which she came to be called, nor was I nearly as brave. I took my leave in the darkness of the night, without a word and my tail tucked between my legs. I didn't even go to face the wrath of the Council. I have hid at the edge of existence for the past years, putting myself into my own 'unofficial' exile. Many people would call me a coward for my actions, and they would be right. But the Mandalorian wars took their toll on me, just like everyone else in the galaxy. I ran from the oath I made to Revan and Malak, …I guess that means I lied when I took the oath.

I told you that I chose to come to the hell-hole that I am currently in, and I'm sure you are asking yourself why. Do you think I came to end my own pathetic existence? Or to come to join the cause that I had abandoned all that time ago? Well the answer to these questions are no. I came for a much better purpose. The Force has given me one last chance to redeem myself, and I would give my life to do it. All these years of living with my self-loathing will come to an end, tonight.

I will not fail.

The days pass too fast in this place, I can already hear the screams of the other captured Jedi being tortured. Echoes cut shrilly through the heavy air as I lie here in the filthy darkness I have entered. It won't be long before they come for me.

Which is what I'm counting on.

I pass the time by trying to gather some strength while meditating; I need every ounce of strength to be able to complete my mission. If I fail then I will die for no meaning, or worse, _they will break me._ After the start of the screams, it isn't long before they interrupt me.

"Strength won't help you, _Jedi._" In this Sith prison the word 'Jedi' is an insult; something they throw in your face.

I weakly opened my eyes. A dark Jedi stands in the frame of the cell door, an evil smirk on his face. "Today is the day you will turn."

I hardly have the strength to breath, let alone the strength to talk, so I can make no response except a pathetic look into his eyes. Even a Force-sensitive can't go without food and water forever.

He just laughed mockingly as he pulled me off the ground with the Force, obviously relishing his power over my weakness the entire time. He floats me to an adjacent room where he straps my ankles and wrists down on a holding chair, just like he had every day before this.

I can hear the light click that sounds when he fastens the final cuff over my ankle, one final lock in this prison for Jedi.

I can feel his breath on my neck as he whispers hotly at me, "When you do turn, I may have to take you for myself. You are rather a beautiful specimen," he gently, but possessively, stroked his finger down my jaw and along my collarbone, "your beauty was wasted on Jedi, who are forbidden to feel desire or passion."

With what little strength I can spare, I turn away from his touch. I'm on a mission, and I can't waste much of my minimal amount of energy on him.

I am here for someone else.

He just laughed sardonically. "Whether you like it or not, _you will be mine._"

With that final threat lingering in my head, he leaves me alone. Just another Sith tactic to turn us; throw us emotions that we don't know how to deal with to confuse us, then leave us alone with our thoughts. Over my time here, they still leave me in this dark, filthy room. Trying to terrify me with the implements of torture hanging on the walls; trying to crack me with the echoing screams of the other prisoners.

They will not succeed.

* * *

He watched her through the security camera, just like he did for every Jedi that came into his 'care'. 

Her small from strapped to the restraining chair, waiting for her fate. He could almost find it amusing that she wasn't trembling with fear. He had seen many Jedi before her trying to hide their terrible, consuming horror, but it was always there.

Always.

It was his job to break Jedi, and he was one of the best in his profession. The worst fear of a Jedi is to see the Sith's side of the Force, seeing everything that they fought for in the past crumbling down around their arrogant, unhearing ears. This was his job, to show the Jedi the opposite side of the dark curtain. He was a Breaker. Showing them their pathetic existence as tools to the Jedi Masters, and offering them something more…

Freedom.

Breaking Jedi had always been easy for him. Ever since he followed Revan and Malak into the Unknown Regions he had found ways to break Jedi that even Revan and Malak couldn't understand. Forcing emotions on them that Jedi are ignorant to, such as lust, anger, and desire, these were the tools he used, not like the others like him here that used pain. His tools attacked their mind, not their bodies. His techniques had made him the best under Revan's command, a position that he was proud to receive.

This woman he was observing now, she was strong. Only the strongest of the Jedi were brought to him; she had gone three weeks under a weaker Breaker's hand, and now she was brought to him. Revan had taken special interest in this Jedi, she was one of the deserters that left after the Exile. She had refused to turn to the Dark Side, but Revan demanded that she fall now for defying her in the past. And he was going to follow orders.

Or suffer the consequences.

He entered the breaking room, and she didn't so much as acknowledge his entrance. Her pale face didn't move, her dark eyes staring blankly at the ceiling of the filthy chamber. She looked as if she was in another world, just a pathetic attempt to separate herself from her surroundings. A typical reaction for any Jedi.

Following his procedure, he walked right past her to the computer console on the opposite wall, but on the inside he was already starting his job. He threw up mental blocks of desire to hear her screaming, enjoying her pain. In his real thoughts he laughed at how easy it really was to break a Jedi, not nearly as hard as people figured.

She still didn't move, still denying that she could ever fall to the dark side. Figuring she was too_ pure_ to fall into the darkness that surrounded her, but he knew she would.

He hadn't failed his job yet.

"You are strong to have made it this far, _Jedi_," he commented, throwing metal images at her of all the Jedi just like her who had fallen at his hands. "You cannot fight me."

He found it rather odd that her face didn't change; her eyes never moved from the spot on the dark ceiling, her voice held no emotion. "I'm not here to fight you."

Her answer seemed strange to him, what did she mean by it? He stopped accessing data on the computer and stepped closer to look her in the eyes.

She moved her eye to look into his. Her eyes were stark blue, he noticed, almost so blue they looked like the sky. But what he saw wasn't madness bedded deep within them. He could have dealt with madness, but what he saw was a deep, terrible sadness.

A strange emotion came over him, but he pushed it away. Breakers didn't feel pity. He grew angry at himself, and at her. He threw up even more mental barriers, this Jedi was smart, but he wouldn't fall for her little rouse again.

"Don't worry, you will turn. I promise you."

He masked his anger and turned back to his computer console. Her heartbeat was steady, as were her mental patterns. It was as if she knew what was coming and had accepted it. He just smirked, his techniques are much different then the pathetic men who call themselves Breakers in this prison. She wouldn't know what hit her.

He started up the instruments; they circled around her in a swaying pattern. He found it strange that her heartbeat didn't quicken, it was rather unusual.

"Tell me, which Temple did you train at?" He asked the usual questions to start out with, but then he went into his own.

She remained predictably silent. He then pressed a button and a mechanical arm pierced her arm with a needle, injecting some truth serum into her veins. Anyone who knew _anything_ about Jedi knew that they had a high tolerance to poison and drugs, but he didn't do it to get her to talk, it was just another means to get her to turn.

She flinched slightly at the unexpected pain, considering the machine wasn't programmed to be nice.

He just continued to smirk, "Now, now. Silence won't get us anywhere." He turned his voice much more demanding, "_Where did you study?_"

Yet again she held her tongue, which led to another injection, and another. He worked slowly, just as he always did. And after every injection he would give her a chance to answer. This made her think that her situation wasn't too bad, but she also knew that it would get worse with each passing injection. She didn't as much as flinch as her blood level toxins rose. Though it wouldn't kill a Jedi, it would cause painful burning throughout her system.

She showed nothing of her pain.

He must have injected her ten times, enough to kill three average people, in the two hours that she was on the table before she said one word.

"They consider you the best?" She threw in his face, her eyes were now slightly bloodshot from the toxins in her blood, and her moves were slightly jerky.

Deep, unrestrained anger came to the surface of his mind. She was too smart to be a Jedi, how did she get past his mental blocks to see his innermost thoughts? He hadn't said a word about his skills at breaking Jedi, other than the fact that he would break her.

She had managed to crawl into his mind; there was no other explanation for her knowledge. The woman had managed to do what no one had ever done, she had violated his mind.

And he would make her pay.

He slammed his palm down on the red button on the console in front of him. Her screams erupted the instant the electric field shot into her small body. He held his hand there for about twenty seconds before he stopped her pain.

She went slack against the restraints; her eyes were closed from the combined pain of the poison and electric field.

He had her back where he wanted, weak and downtrodden.

"That was just a taste." He smirked; now back on top of the mental war.

He moved on with his questioning, and still she didn't say a word.

Over the next few hours he lost count of how many times he injected her with the serum. It had to have been more than thirty. Her eyes started to get droopy, her body went slack. Her training was forcing her into a self-induced coma. Jedi are trained so that if they are given too many narcotics, they go into a sleep so that they can speed up the process of expelling the drugs from their system. She obviously was loosing consciousness fast.

He found that rather irritating, because that meant that he would have to continue their session later. No one had ever lasted through his interrogations before. Was he loosing his touch?

No, he would not allow himself such a weakness, especially in this hell. Any weakness was regarded as an infection, and any who showed some was instantly killed to keep it from spreading. No, he hadn't failed before; she must have just been trained harder than any other Jedi he had seen before.

He injected her a final time to be sure she was out; he wouldn't be in his position if it wasn't for his carefulness. When she stopped moving, he crossed the dirty chamber to unshackle her.

* * *

I desperately try to keep my heart rate steady as he steps closer. If he turned around for a moment, he would see the heart-rate monitor going crazy. This is my one chance to redeem myself for all the past failures I have made. My one chance to die in peace. 

My freedom.

The instant he releases my binds; I sit up quickly and place my hands delicately on his temples. I channel the Force that I had held dormant inside quickly into his mind before he has a chance to fight it.

I can sense the Force within him, a fact that all the dark Jedi around him hadn't managed to see after all this time. The Force within him has gone unnoticed even to him. I can sense his fear for the knowledge that I impart into his mind. I can sense how lost he feels now that he knows he is Force-sensitive. But one emotion is dominant above all else:

Rage.

He throws me back down on the restraining table and latches me down; I can hear the machines start back up. Within moments the electric torture field rips through my body.

I knew that I wouldn't make it out of this place alive; I could sense it in the Force when it first gave me the vision to save this man, but I don't mind so much…

I have redeemed myself.

* * *

The building was always dark; it was a way to attack the Jedi without so much as lifting a finger. This place was designed for mental attacks everywhere. In the torture rooms there were ancient implements of torture to ignite thoughts of death, in the halls were countless guards to emphasize that there is no escape. In every cell is the scent of those who died in this abyss. 

Everyone sleeps during the day, at night everybody goes about their duties. It was early morning, meaning that about everyone was asleep.

Except for him.

He now knew that he was at risk, he could feel the Force. That Jedi had sensed it in him instantly, how long would it be before the people in this place noticed it too? They would use his own techniques against him; they would break him so he would join the cause. They could sense it any day, at any time…

He wasn't going to stick around that long.

In his black sleeping chambers, he climbed quietly from his bed and gathered anything that he would need. Food, water, credits, and clothes; and placed them in a small pack. He kept his blaster in his hand, in case he should run into trouble. He wore his stealth field generator, started it up, and entered the cold, shadowed halls.

He now knew that the guards weren't there to keep the prisoners fearful, or to prevent a prison break. They were there to keep everyone else in, including him. He had always shown the Jedi he broke how much of tools they were for the Council, now he understood that he was just as ignorant. He was a tool for the Sith just as much as the Jedi he broke were for the Council.

But not anymore.

He held his breath anytime that a guard passed then continued on his way. Making his way through the labyrinth of halls and corridors that were designed to keep people lost. Each wall and door was positioned in the exact way as the hall before it, with no distinguishing marks. Counting was the trick. Two halls down from his room was the torture chambers, three was more prison cells.

He stopped at hall three. Quickly and quietly he walked down the hall. He stopped at the cell door, thinking. Should he go in? Or just save himself?

She had sensed it in him from the beginning and she could have taken him down with that information, but she didn't. What would cause her to think that way?

He forced his mind to think that it was only curiosity of the woman that drove him to see her.

_Only_ curiosity.

He quietly opened the door and closed it behind him. The room was pitch black, just like the rest of the necropolis, the Temple to the death of Jedi. It took a moment to distinguish between the shapes in the darkness.

She was leaning on the far wall in the shadows, her eyes were shut, and her blonde hair fell around her face. There was only one word to describe how she looked, _beautiful. _

His angel.

She had saved him, but he had ignored her at first and taken his anger out on her. He had tortured her until she passed out, and continued even after that. He had hated her for showing him what he was blissfully unaware of, for showing him how much danger he was in. Instead of thanking her, he had tortured her to within an inch of her life.

He had always been bad at showing gratitude. But now that his anger had passed he realized that she had saved him, and now he was going to save her. He had to save her.

He quickly crossed the room to her side; he laid his blaster on the filthy floor, and gently he shook her until she responded. She yelped quietly in pain and could barely open her eyes. He hated himself at that instant because he had done that to her.

He had tortured the angel that saved him.

She just gave a weak, sorrowful smile.

"I'm going to get you out of here," he whispered to her reassuringly.

She shook her head, which caused her to bite back a cry of pain. Her eyes closed and her body went stiff, trying to fight back the agony. He gently cupped her face with his hand. When her pain had passed she opened her eyes and looked into his.

"You have to leave or they will find you." She said her voice so quiet and weak that it hit him hard in the heart.

Her beautiful blue eyes were heavy with sorrow, pleading with him to go.

"I'm not leaving without you," perhaps he was getting weak, but she didn't deserve to die in such a horrible place.

Pain racked her body again, her breath caught in her throat, as she moved her hand over his that was gently holding her face. Her beautiful blue eyes captured with him, silently pleading.

The pain left her breathless as she voiced her argument, "You have to. We both know that you couldn't get me out of here without being seen."

He knew she was right, but this couldn't be the end; he wouldn't leave the woman who saved him.

She didn't deserve death, he did; yet she had saved him.

He ran his thumb along her cheek, "you saved me and now I'm going to save you."

Her eyes closed in pain as she shook her head in argument again. "I saved you so that you would save someone else."

Everything about this woman mystified him, from the first time he strapped her down into the interrogation chair, but her words hid a meaning, as if she knew what the future held. "What do you mean? Who couldIpossibly save?"

She opened her eyes again, trying to give him the answers he sought. "She is the only chance the Universe has of surviving. When you meet her, you'll know. You must help her or she will fail."

"How do you know this?" He asked, not sure if he could believe that the Force made everything happen for a reason.

Her smile was weak and full of sorrow, "The Force is a mysterious thing."

He knew that he wouldn't have believed her if she hadn't shown him; if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. She was right, the Force is mysterious, and now he would have to take a long, unsure journey.

He traced his finger along her cold cheek, taking in her beauty before he left. For she was beautiful, with a prominent sadness that seemed to amplify it. But it wasn't beauty as he knew it; she wasn't something to take, she was meant to be treasured. He knew that he would never forget this woman, could never forget. 

As he turned to leave her hand found his. He looked back into her pleading eyes.

"Please, don't let them turn me."

He knelt down beside her, taking her hand reassuringly in his. "What do you want me to do?"

She reached for the blaster pistol on the floor and placed it into his hands.

His heart raced, "No, I…_I can't._" He couldn't do that to an angel.

"Please," she begged, "You must. I have no strength left, I cannot fight them. They'll break me, just like they would have done to you."

He couldn't do it, he just couldn't. She had saved him, but was it more than that? He couldn't take her out of here, but he didn't want her to get hurt even more than she had already. If he left her here, they would eventually break her, or kill her for resisting for so long. Perhaps even Revan or Malak would come to break her personally, or even just torture her until her eventual death.

He didn't want that to happen to her, he didn't want that to be her fate.

He steadied his breathing as he placed the point of the blaster on her stomach. He couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger.

She looked into his hesitant eyes. She smiled, knowing her fate. "What happened to your promise to break me?" She asked quietly.

He paused for a moment and steadied his hand.

"I lied."

He turned from her as he pulled the trigger, he couldn't stand to see the pain pass through her eyes and eventually the darkness that would fog her vision. A shiver passed through her body as the shot tore through her abdomen; he closed his eyes tight, not wanting to acknowledge what he had done to her.

A small hand gently forced his face up. He opened his eyes, looking into her stark blue orbs. She gave a small smile as she rubbed her thumb under his eye, erasing the moisture that had escaped.

"Don't cry for me," was her last request.

* * *

I stayed by her side, in the darkness, until all the life had left her; wanting to be there for her, so she knew that someone cared. 

I didn't want her to die alone.

It has been about three years since that day, and I am still waiting for the woman she told me I must save. I have waited three long years, and still I have no idea why I'm still waiting. Perhaps my angel was mad in her last days of life. Perhaps there is no one that I'm supposed to save.

I've never been much of a hero type anyway.

Today I sit in a prison. Well, not a prison, _per se_, but a detention area on this worthless little planet. It has been a few days since anyone has so much as entered the room. It is eerily quiet; no doubt some trouble is brewing. If I can't get out soon I will die of thirst or boredom, whichever comes first.

I doubt that this person I'm supposed to 'save' even exists. Perhaps that Jedi had been crazy all along…

The door opens for the first time in two days. But instead of the commander of this pathetic facility, it is a woman, a rather beautiful woman, wearing nothing short of her undergarments.

"Well, well, I wasn't aware the Peragus military uniforms had changed."

* * *

**Author's notes:** ok that's it, I hope you didn't think it too confusing... Well, anyway, please review! 


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